Word Vomit put away

Everyone who caught the "Word Vomit" post and read it and replied... thank you so much for reading through that and posting and supporting. I hit my lowest ever today and purged myself with that post. In the process and with the guiding words of those that saw I've made a plan and I'm hoping to pull myself out of this deep, dark hole that I am in. One thing I've determined to do is try... really try... to be more positive. And in doing that "Word Vomit" has gone back into my drafts. I'm also going to get some help from my dr and change up my meds. I'm visiting with the Bishop this Sunday with Bret and we're hoping to find our way to the temple soon. One thing I'm going to keep here from the Word Vomit post is the counting of my blessings... so here goes. My husband is the very best. I couldn't love anyone more. We are so suited for each other. I don't believe in soul mates, or, at the very least, I don't believe that there is 1 right person out there for us. I do believe I found the most perfect person out there for me. We fit and we would do anything for each other. We want each other to be happy. Bret also loves our children so much. Almost as much as me. It is so hard to explain my relationship to Bret to others. My parents understand, because they have the same kind. And I'm lucky, because Bret's parents do not and it could have been easy to for him to follow in that pattern. Don't get me wrong, Bret's parents love each other, but Bret and I can't live without each other. Maybe that's bad. But we don't think so. We are equals and best friends and lovers and... there just aren't enough words. My children are wonderful. They are beautiful and smart and full of life and energy. They are pure joy... despite the trials. Darci is my hero. She feels crappy 90% of the time, but she is still so sunny and happy. We have a nice, comfortable home in a free country. We have 2 vehicles and many other material things that make life comfortable. Eliza came early, but she is healthy and strong and you'd never know she was a preemie. We have the gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives. I don't understand my Heavenly Father's faith in me. People keep telling me how strong I am when all I feel is weak. I'm like a stubborn child who isn't grabbing what is right in front of her. It's like that scene in Alice In Wonderland when they are running in a circle trying to get dry... all the while the waves are crashing over them and there is a fire within reach, but not the way they are going.

Purple, sparkly, and lethal.

Today Darci went to the orthopedic dr and got her hard cast. They'll do more x-rays in 2 weeks to see whether she's going to be in it 3 weeks or 5. That thing is heavy and if she chooses to take a swing at her brothers with her left hand she's going to do some damage. We had fun decorating it.

It's heavy and she doesn't care much for it.

She liked it a little better once we decorated it.

Eliza is 4 month old!!!

Today Eliza hit the 4 month mark. Has it really been 4 months!!?? In some ways it has flown and I wish it wouldn't. I'm trying to enjoy every moment. She is such a sweet baby and she has lots of smiles now for everyone. She talks and babbles a lot and has learned to blow raspberries. She loves to listen to music and try to sing. She loves to be in the center of things while Christopher, Xander, and Darci play.

Lately she is constantly chomping on her hand and we think teeth are just around the corner. She loves to be outdoors. She loves her bath. She doesn't like bottles... only her mommy will do for feedings. She has recently started going 6-8 hours at night and that makes for a much happier Momma. I worry she gets set aside all too often as the other kids need care, but she doesn't seem to mind entertaining herself under her playmat or in her swing. You gotta have bathtub shots :) All fresh and clean from the bath. Chilling with Darci after he accident. Working on some teeth.

Poor Darci!

Darci just can't catch a break (no pun intended). This evening Darci was playing outside with Xander and she was heading up our garage stairs when she fell. I was sitting at the top and I just watched her trip over her own feet. She took a good head-over-heels tumble and landed on the cement floor. I picked her up and hugged her tight. She was just shaking. Then we did a body check. Legs ok, hips ok, head, right arm,.. left arm she wouldn't let me touch. I tried to move it around and take a good look, but it was mostly hurting her. We decided the best option was to head into the ER. She was in good spirits for the most part.

The dr gave her a good check and said x-rays would show best. Darci has what is called a buckle fracture. It's very mild, but she will need to be in a splint for 3-8 weeks. An orthopedic dr will determine that for us. We call him tomorrow.

She was the hit of the ER. They were slow and Darci was being her sweet and sunny self. All the drs and nurses said she was so good for her age and so brave. She wasn't so sure about the splinting, but I convinced her it was a princess glove. Even the male nurses were taken with her :)

Pioneer Weekend

We spent Pioneer Day just hanging around the house and avoiding large crowds. We played as a family and watched the movie "Coraline" and did our own little pack of fireworks. I think the kids really enjoyed it.

The next day was our busy day. We spent the morning at Dustin and Crystal's home for breakfast and swimming. Then, after some rest, we went down to Salem for Blakelynn's first birthday party. It was a fun day, but very busy. I'm finding that keeping things simple is the way the kids like.

Watching the fireworks. So simple and yet they loved it.

Eliza celebrates...

... with balloons.

Oquirrh Mountain Temple open house

Today started a long, 5 day weekend for our family. Bret took some of his vacation to do some family stuff. Mostly just relaxing and being together through the Pioneer Day holiday. Today we took the kids to the Oquirrh Mountain Temple open house. Darci was so excited to go inside "da bumple an see Jesus". Christopher was our resident expert because he got to see the Draper temple with Grandma and Grandpa while mommy was on bedrest. We don't know WHAT Xander thought it was going to be like, but he DID NOT want to go in the temple. Many of you who know Xander know that he has OCD tendencies and doesn't like change or the unknown. While we sat in the tent outside and viewed the video he was crying crocodile tears. As we headed into the temple I was worried he would have a complete meltdown. Then we got inside... he was so in awe of everything. He was my most reverent and he asked lots of appropriate questions. When we walked by the baptismal font Darci asked me if we had swimsuits and started to think about getting undressed. The usher near us had a little laugh over that. Everything was just beautiful and Bret and I both felt the spirit strongly. As we were leaving the temple and heading to the reception tent Xander said, "WOW!! That sure was fancy!" Then we enjoyed the cookies and water and took some pictures.

Afterwards we had a family lunch at IHOP and then the boys got to go to Grandma Rosemary's for a sleepover. Xander thought it was the best day ever. I think it came pretty close.

Eliza... Nature Girl

I cannot believe summer is half over and we just barely had Eliza's first swim. It would have been early June, but it was just too cold when we went that time. On Thursday, July 15 we went to Grandma Rosemary's pool. She LOVED the water. She kicked and bobbed and babbled. She never minded getting splashed by the older kids and the colder temperature of the pool (compared to her baths) only phased her for a second.

A few days later we were playing in the back yard and I wanted to lay Eliza down, but I had forgotten a blanket. Now we already knew Eliza likes being outside. When she went through colic the outdoors soothed her and she loves her walks. Bret decided to lay her down right on the grass. Most of you know what usually happens when you sit or lay a young baby on grass. They kick and squirm and HATE it. The older three did. I was sure we were going to have an angry Eliza on our hands. NOPE!! She loved it. She kept grabbing it with her hands and clenching it in her feet. What will she discover from nature next?

I also added some fun pictures of the girls in Mickey ears. We're hoping that Disneyland will be happening next spring.

Daddy swims with Eliza. Swimming feels good when it's 100* outside. Darci didn't want to be left out.

Feeling the grass in her fingers.

Contemplating the universe. Disney girls! They're a little big. I think she needs her own :)

First sick day with diabetes

We recently experienced Darci's first sick day with diabetes. Another thing I didn't know much about until Darci got diabetes is that being sick can affect her glucose range drastically. She weathered it better than we expected and we were so appreciative to Dr Swinyard (endocrinologist) and Dr. Barrett (pediatrician) for coordinating together with her care and making this mommy feel like we could handle the new situation. It is exhausting checking Darci's glucose twice a night. But we definately prefer that to checking her every hour (add in Eliza's feedings).

Darci and Eliza hung out a lot on my bed.

A little later the boys were feeling left out so they joined.

Some new pictures

Grandma Rosemary has been holding out on us. I took my flash drive to her house the other day and grabbed a bunch of pics off her computer.

Eliza in her beautiful blessing dress

Darci with her uncle Kip... Hey ladies... he's single ;)

Look at those BLUE eyes!

Darci and cousin Danika

I LOOOOOOVE this picture of Jenny and Eliza!

4th of July

Max and Eliza celebrate!

What a nice, laid back 4th we had. We spent the afternoon and evening at my parent's. What a treat to have Scott's family in town. We were afraid we wouldn't see baby Max (born 5 days after Eliza) until he was much older. Good eats, lots of fun for cousins swimming and feeding the chickens, dancing to the tunes, and some fireworks. I think it really was the best family gathering we've had in a long time. Darci really had a great time with cousins Easton (4) and Luke (2). Christopher enjoyed being the oldest and the leader.

We are so happy to live in a country that allows us the freedoms to live as we do.

Darci and Easton

Feeding the chickens Bret, Brett, and Scott play basketball

Darci and Luke watch the fireworks.

Bret was our videographer.