Eliza is 1 month old

I can't believe how fast the past month has flown. Especially when the month before it was so horribly slow. We are all completely in love with Eliza. Darci always wants to hold her and kiss her. The last week she has really started having great awake time where she wants to look around and take everything in. We are truly trying to savor every moment with her.

If her first month is any indication of her personality we think she'll be our most quiet and observant child.

Starting Back Up

Just shamelessly announcing to anyone interested that I'm ready to start back up doing hair again. For a couple of more months I ask that everyone coming is completely well and have no signs of possible illness. I'm contemplating starting another blog to advertise my hair services, prices, and pictures of hair I do. I'd like opinions on that, too. Here are my prices and services. Kids haircut (kids 0-18) $5.00 Adult haircut- $10.00 Short hair perm- $20.00 Long hair perm- $30.00 All over color- $30.00 Weave color- $40.00 Men's color- $20.00 Facial waxing- $10.00

Happy Easter

Easter was a low key affair at our house this year... for obvious reasons. Between Darci's diabetes and Eliza being early and new we've become quite the germ phobes at our house. The kids enjoyed getting their baskets and didn't seem to mind that there wasn't much in the way of candy. At breakfast we talked about the true meaning of Easter and both Christopher and Xander seemed to take it to heart.

We were very brave and attemtped Sacrament Meeting at church and it went pretty well. Just a few tears from Darci because we forgot her binky.

We had a nice, cozy dinner that was just the 6 of us.

As you can see, we also got some good pictures.

This Easter has been one of reflection for me. I wondered if, when Christ suffered in Gethsemane, did he suffer a mother's pain for her children. Did He know what it feels like as a mother to see Darci get and struggle with diabetes? Did He feel the pain I felt nightly as I left my tiny baby at a hospital when all I wanted to do was take her home and hold her? Did He feel a mother's pain for a child lost to death? At first it was hard to imagine, because a mother's love is such a unique thing. Then, as I was watching Music and the Spoken Word, it hit me that He did. If anyone could feel that pain it was Christ in Gethsemane and when Christ felt that pain and suffered for us then I believe Heavenly Father felt the pain of seeing his child suffer.

I am so grateful for the sacrifice He made for me so that I can be with this family forever and not suffer the burdens of this world alone.

Welcome Home Eliza!!

This morning when I walked into Eliza's NICU room they said that we were getting ready to discharge. I couldn't have been happier. She's home and the kids are thrilled to finally get to see her. I can't express all that is in my heart right now.

Thank you to everyone for all the love and support and prayers. Here are some more pics to share.

The 3 big kids waiting around the hospital

Xander and Darci meeting Eliza for the first time.

A wide awake moment.

Tests

I have never been a very good tester. I would be acing every class I had, but my tests would always bring my grades down. Eliza is a great tester ;) Last night she passed her car seat test, and today she passed her hearing and screening tests. The nurse handed us a sheet of paper that had a list of things they wanted parents to do before discharge. She emphasized that we should get most of it done TODAY!! What does that tell you??? Tells me they want us to be ready for discharge soon. I also spent about an hour holding Eliza on my chest and rocking this morning. You know the way...? Where they are all curled in and resting their head in the crook of your neck. I love how they just fit perfectly this way. While I held and rocked and sang to her I prayed. I thanked my Heavenly Father for how well she's done and what a fighter she has been. I thanked Him for the opportunity I had to just hold her that way and smell her sweetness. I swear that sweet, new baby smell is what Heaven is going to smell like. And I gave my heartache and frustrations to Him. Today is the best I have felt emotionally and physically in over a week. Happy 1 week birthday Eliza :)

Eliza update

She's in a regular bassinett now and out from under warming lights and phototherapy. I've been told as long as she maintains her temperature and continues to eat well we'll go home soon. She's been doing this for 24 hours now. The practical and logical mommy in me thinks things are going wonderful and the drs are doing amazing. The tired and emotional and tired mommy in me (this one seems to be more dominant the past 24 hours) just wants her home NOW! She's doing everything she's supposed to be doing so lets get doing it at home. This is starting to wear on the entire family. The kids are acting out quite a bit. The messed up eating schedule and stress are starting to affect Darci's gluclose levels a little bit. I feel torn between 3 places right now... the IMC NICU, home with the other kids and Bret and taking care of their needs, and my bed (have I mentioned how exhausted I am?). Also, I know people are well meaning, but please quit asking me when she's coming home... I don't know. Don't tell me to take this "opportunity" to rest up... WTH! My daughter in the NICU is not an opportunity and I find it more exhausting that having my baby at home. OK, diregard that last paragraph... that's the tired and frustrated mommy coming out.

Ups and Downs

A rare moment without her mask. This is her glowing bed. You can see her nameplate above her with her footprints. Eliza progresses by leaps and bounds. But sometimes there are setbacks. She is still on phototherapy lights and trying to break up lots of biliruben. She got her IV out of her umbilical cord today and has a normal IV in her foot. She mostly eats very well. Everyday I hope they tell me that she'll be going home soon. I'm exhausted. I know I'm doing more than any woman should be doing 5 days postpartum, but add in the blood loss and I'm just running on fumes and adrenaline. I'm up at the hospital twice and day and try to stay anywhere from 90 minutes to 3 hours a visit. I pump every 3 hours to keep my milk up for Eliza. I'm only averaging 5-6 hours of sleep a night and an hour to 90 minute nap every afternoon. My ankles are sooooo swollen, and I was realizing today how pale I look. I'm not trying to complain, just wondering how long I can keep going like this. I look over the trials in my life since December and wonder how I am still putting one foot in front of the other. But then I realize how much worse each incident could be. But all added up it is starting to feel pretty overwhelming. And yet, I feel like my testimony has grown. Bret and I have grown closer together. My kids are struggling and yet growing. I just need a little break to take it all in and breathe a little and get a little stronger. See, back and forth... up and down... is this the "opposition in all things"?

More pics from the birth

Laboring Mommy (post epidural) Eliza's First Picture

7lbs 7oz at 34 wks!!!! Mommy holds Eliza for first time.

Welcome to the World!!!!

On March 31, 2009 at 6:30 PM MST 

Eliza Karen made her entrance into this world.

She weighed 7 lbs, 7 oz and measured 20 inches long

This is pretty amazing when you consider she is 5 weeks and 3 days early.  The average baby born at this gestation is around 5 lbs.

Eliza is doing AMAZING and is truly a miracle.  She has required no breathing assistance and has happily taken to nursing.  She is the "healthy" baby in the NICU.  Currently the issues keeping her in the NICU are jaundice, maintaining her own body temperature, and getting her blood glucose levels under control (my gestational diabetes has left her with very low levels).

In fact, I've done poorly in comparison.  Right after arriving in recovery I stood up to get in bed and started bleeding very heavily.  It took about 90 minutes, 6 nurses, 8 different drugs, and 2 resident drs to get everything under control.  It scared Bret and I a great deal.  By yet another miracle I didn't require a transfusion.  They said that even though I lost a lot, my body kicked in and made up for it.  Mostly the ordeal has left me weak and tired, and I may have a longer recovery ahead of me.

Tomorrow I get to go home and it is going to be SOOOOO difficult to do so without Eliza.  The NICU staff will not give you an estimated release date sooner than the due date.  But she is doing so well... barring any set backs, we really think she'll be home by beginning of next week.

Hopefully, once we get Eliza home and healthy things in the Bret and Marissa family will get boring for a little while.  It's been a wild ride the past several months and I'm ready to get off.

Thank you to the NICU nurses for taking some pictures for me to download.