A rare moment without her mask.
This is her glowing bed. You can see her nameplate above her with her footprints.
Eliza progresses by leaps and bounds. But sometimes there are setbacks. She is still on phototherapy lights and trying to break up lots of biliruben. She got her IV out of her umbilical cord today and has a normal IV in her foot. She mostly eats very well. Everyday I hope they tell me that she'll be going home soon.
I'm exhausted. I know I'm doing more than any woman should be doing 5 days postpartum, but add in the blood loss and I'm just running on fumes and adrenaline. I'm up at the hospital twice and day and try to stay anywhere from 90 minutes to 3 hours a visit. I pump every 3 hours to keep my milk up for Eliza. I'm only averaging 5-6 hours of sleep a night and an hour to 90 minute nap every afternoon. My ankles are sooooo swollen, and I was realizing today how pale I look. I'm not trying to complain, just wondering how long I can keep going like this.
I look over the trials in my life since December and wonder how I am still putting one foot in front of the other. But then I realize how much worse each incident could be. But all added up it is starting to feel pretty overwhelming. And yet, I feel like my testimony has grown. Bret and I have grown closer together. My kids are struggling and yet growing. I just need a little break to take it all in and breathe a little and get a little stronger.
See, back and forth... up and down... is this the "opposition in all things"?
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Ups and Downs
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4 comments:
With trials come a whole lot of growth. You have done your share of growing. But, the good news is, Darci is still happy and healthy, and Eliza is gorgeous. Along with trials, you have blessings beyond measure.
Here's hoping things settle down soon, and that Eliza will be welcomed home shortly.
Wow. Reading your schedule totally gave me flashbacks. I'm so sorry. I can feel your exhaustion in your words.
I don't know if this will work for you, but I ended up skipping pumping in the middle of the night. I would pump right before bed, and then first thing in the morning. Then I was drinking either water or rootbeer (for some reason the yeast boosts milk production, at least it did mine) ALL day. Something had to give...and sleeping through the night was just what I needed.
You'll make it through all this and a year from now you'll look back and wonder how you survived. But you'll survive, and you'll be proud of yourself for doing so.
You're amazing!
One sanity saver is pump while driving up to the nicu. If you need a battery pack or cig-lighter attachment, I have one. But being able to multi task at least that gave me some calm time and let me leave excess milk there. Delegate grocery shopping, cleaning, and non essentials but sanity saving chores. I'm sorry your plate is so full...just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.
Hang in there Marissa. You guys are all doing awesome!
Let me know what I can do to help out.
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